Hooray for the cold and flu season! NOT! It's good for business but it bites being the patient! Needless to say I got the crud that is going around...mostly sinus cong/pressure blah blah blah. It's taken almost a week and I am FINALLY starting to feel somewhat normal again! However now Joshuah has the yucks. Andrew just has a runny nose and has passed the V&D bug. I would much rather be sick myself instead of my kids. Because we have all had the germs we have yet to make it to Medford to see daddy. :( Hopefully we will be able to head over by Saturday. As soon as the fevers subside.

I have not been able to talk with Josh much. They are keeping him busy. From what I can tell his pain is mostly under control but he is still pretty sleeping. Trying to find that happy medium is a PAIN! He is getting lots of therapy, which is what we want. The care at Providence seems to be really good. It sounds like they are on top of things and get stuff done now instead of later. Haven't heard exactly what the plans are. When we were in Portland they were saying two weeks in rehab so who knows what has changed.

Andrew has been a crazy monkey lately. He is becoming more and more independent as the days go on. I wasn't moving fast enough the other night so he go himself dinner out of the fridge and helped himself. Cold lasagna...yummy. This morning I wasn't ready to get up when he was so I asked him if he wanted me to put cartoons on so I could sleep a lil longer...well he turned the T.V. on for ME and went and got himself dressed and went potty. Then I heard him go down the stairs and messing with stuff in the kitchen. That was my cue to get up and get breakfast going. However he would have done it himself...he was pouring choc teddy grahams into a baggie when I came down the stairs. Cute. He has had great fun spending time with Auntie Sharla. Everyday he asks me where "Shala" is and if he can go to "wogers" (Rogers) house. Very cute. He and Joshuah spent the night over with Uncle Erick and Auntie Sharla the other night so I could get a good nights sleep. And I DID! Thank you Moika!!!

Joshy is getting big. Of course. :) I wouldn't expect anything less. He has been making non crying sounds over the last few days but really starting cooing yesterday. Oh so sweet! No smiles yet. But he is working on it. He is awake more during the day, eating nearly 4oz, holding his head up pretty darn well, and looking more and more like his daddy every day.

Pic #1 Andrew was "doing the dishes"

Pic #2 I LOVE sleeping 3 year olds!

Monday Josh will be moved to Providence rehab center in Medford. He is getting stronger everyday, but it is still difficult to stay determined when on all of the pain pills. But each day is a new one. He has been able to get up and into his wheelchair several times this week. Got a shower yesterday but then sounded really tired and uncomfortable when I talked to him last night. The boys and I came home yesterday to regroup. Both of them had their regular doctors appts. yesterday. Andrew is STILL 30lbs and 35in. Joshuah is 10-0.5lbs and 21in. THANKFULLY Andrew is current on his vaccines. Joshuah however had to start his journey and got 5. I am a horrible mother and didn't make sure I had Tylenol on hand so he was pretty fussy last night BUT he slept ALL night!!! That was nice....kinda scary, I woke up often. Maybe it's a sign of things to come.

Riding in the car with a 3yo is much more exciting then anyone leads you to believe. I never know what is going to happen the next time we get in the car for a 2-3hr drive...
We left Eugene yesterday am around 930. We were not even to Oakridge yet (30mins from town) and my very verbal Andrew got silent. I didn't think anything of it, he was eating a fruit bar. Then; "mom, I need a wipe" "why Andrew what happen?" "my fruit bar got on my car seat." Just as I am looking back at him his fruit did indeed got on his car seat....AFTER it had been chewed up and digested! ewwwww.....gross! OK no prob. So we pulled over changed clothes, cleaned up the seat. I had to remove the car seat straps and buckle because they were saturated! So he got to ride illegally with the regular seat belt. He thought he was hot stuff, I on the other hand thought for sure I was going to get pulled over for one reason or another and then it would be all over. But I didn't! So then we are working out way up the mountain and again!!! This time it was more corn nuts and m&m's that he had sneaked out of the front seat while I was cleaning up his first mess! So again, pull over change clothes, clean the car seat blah blah blah. Thank goodness he fell asleep after that! He has been fine ever since and kept his dinner down last night. He slept with me last night, woke at one point gagging. I did what any good mother would do and got him the garbage can and a towel...just in case and went back to sleep :) I didn't wake up with puke in my face so that's a positive. I am hoping he was just getting car sick but I feel pretty lousy today. However mine is all sinus and achy body. So who knows. Lucky for Joshuah he slept through all of our lovely events.

Holy moly. I love it when government offices like to close at 3:58 instead 4pm and why not close at 5! Needless to say I was able to get the birth certificates for the boys but not the SS cards. Hopefully tomorrow. Anyway it looks like we're going to Medford for rehab. It will be interesting that's for sure. Not sure when we will go but within the next few days I am sure.

So I woke up this morning with a head ache, body aches and an upset tummy. Rolled over and went back to sleep and finally got out of bed and showered at noon. All the while the doctors are coming into the room discussing things with Josh and I am SLEEPING. UGH! The little bit of extra sleep was nice. That is probably why I feel so crummy. Lack of. At least the sun in shining here in Portland today. Hooray for that!

Dr. Hayden a Oncology tumor specialist (whatever that means) came in this morning (while I slept) and discussed further surgeries with Josh and Shelly. From the sounds of it the largest tumor Josh has is wrapped around his sciatic nerve in his left hip. The explains a LOT! Josh has been having this horrible hip/sciatic pain for yeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrs. Which leads me to the conclusion that this is a slow growing cancer. I think Dr. Hayden did say that this morning. Anyway so with this particular tumor Dr. Hayden would go into the area and remove the whole muscle that the tumor is attached to, doing no damage to the sciatic nerve. About 3-4 days in the hospital for that surgery and then some time in rehab. He talked about the tumors in is lungs. Said there is a thoracic surgeon who can remove the tumors in the lungs and the ones around his rib area. But not a lot of details on that surgery. SO. That is what we know at this point. Still unsure of where Josh wants to do rehab at this point.

Pray for me this afternoon. I am headed out to find the Vital Statistic office and the Social Security office to obtain a birth certificate and SS card for my boys. You'd think I would have had all of it. It's something you don't think about until you need it! But hey at least I'll be enjoying the sunshine!

"Mom, wheres my happy birthday cake?" That was Andrew's response to me after I told him happy birthday today. It was cute. Made me feel bad, but cute. I told him I am going to make him a cake when we got home...a pink one. :) He was satisfied with that and decided that Josh's left over red jello custard dessert was his happy birthday cake. He is a character. I probably shouldn't tell this but on our way up to Portland yesterday we were between stops and Andrew says "MOMMY! my poop is coming out." That's his new thing, wait till it's happening to tell me. Anyway...so what else can I do besides pull over on the side of I-5 and he took care of business...no kidding less then 10mins down the road again "MOMMY! this time with tears, "MY POOP IS COMING OUT!" Then... silence. Oh man Andrew...really? Finally we got to a potty. I didn't realize the mess went through his pants, I had only brought in extra undies. "Mom where's my pants" well Andrew they are in the car I'll get them in a min. He wouldn't walk out to the car so here I am Joshuah in his car seat in one hand and Andrew in his sweatshirt, undies and his tennis shoes in the other hand. Wish I had a camera. Thanks to the nice lady who offered to carry Joshuah to the car. I was laughing the whole time. I love the mind of a 3yo. ANYWAY!

Josh is doing a little bit better today. Still very uncomfortable but better. He sat on the side of the bed again today and got in his wheelchair for a few hours. Progress! Very tired though. He had an x-ray and a EKG done today. His side/chest/rib pain hasn't gone away yet and now it's on the other side. Of course we haven't heard what the results are yet. Surprise. Providing on how Josh is doing tomorrow and on to Thursday he may be released. Talking about Providence rehab center in Portland or Medford maybe rehab in Klamath, but I am thinking not. Rehab at Providence consist of about 3hrs of rehab a day and two weeks there. Rehab in Klamath is 1hr a day and about four weeks. But it's up to Josh so we'll know more tomorrow on what he wants to do.

It's been almost a week since surgery. I can't believe how fast time goes. Josh is hanging in there, just like the rest of us. He had been experiencing some excruciating right side rib pain. a 15 on a 0-10 pain scale. "It's the worst" He has been on the morphine pills and the neurontin but it just seems to take the edge off. The doc now says that they had to remove a part of a rib and that is where the pain is coming from. Why didn't they tell us this before?? Who knows. It's nice to have a reason but I would still like to have an x-ray done to show there isn't anything else going on.....like a pneumothorax (collapsed lung) for instance...been there done that. We'll see what happens tomorrow. I drove down to Eugene yesterday to see the boys. I've missed them TONS. And it is soooooo nice to be with them. I am headed back to Portland tomorrow with Joshuah and maybe Andrew. Andrew's birthday is on Tuesday and Josh and I wanted to at least see him on that special day. :) Three years old. I can't believe it! Where did my baby go? Joshuah is doing well. Started to eat more at a time and sleep longer at night. Except when he has a tummy ache which seems to be happening a lot lately. I think we'll be changing his formula.
Please keep praying for us. For Josh's pain to get under control, for his strength to come back quickly and for his emotions to stay positive. I appreciate all the thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement. Thank you sooo much. Please feel free to contact me if you have questions and I would love to hear from you!
Lokua02@yahoo.com

These are they days of our lives...

Josh is ready to be moved out of ICU but we are still waiting for a bed/room on another floor. Last night he was taken off of the monitors. Still on O2 but that's it. This morning one of the lines was taken out of his neck and 2 of the drains were removed from his incision site. He had 4 drains on his back at the site. I haven't seen the incision itself but the bandage goes from about the top of his shoulder line all the way down to his tailbone. Pretty cool if you ask me :) Yesterday PT and OT came in and made Josh sit up on the side of the bed. He did really great! A little bit dizzy and his strength wasn't that great of course...to be expected. He is using the morphine less and less so I hope that means that with the Tylenol and the Neurontin his pain is getting under control. We are moving right along and God is carrying us through. Thanks for all of the thoughts, prayers and encouragement!

Josh is still in ICU. Doing as well as could be expected. He's very uncomfortable. He is on Morphine PCA for pain currently. If he isn't frustrated cause of the pain then it's because he can't wake up. It's a never ended circle I tell ya. He has yet to answer me on if he would rather be in pain or be sleepy....
He has had the most pain in his sternum area- from all the muscles stretching and tissue being pulled and then of course his back hurts. I have NO idea why...geesh. :) Yesterday it was hurting him really bad to be moved/rolled/shifted. Today he said it didn't hurt as much when they turned him. That's a positive! The "pain management" team (one guy) came in yesterday and did an assessment. Because the pain that Josh is experiencing is mostly nerve pain they are going to try him on neurontin (for seizures) he doesn't have seizures but it helps a lot of people especially right out of surgery with pain, because of all of the disruption that has been done to the nerves during the procedure. We'll see. My hope is that his pain will get under control and he can be on something that doesn't make him so sleepy. Even though rest is good for him he is still going to need to get up and get his muscles working, per Dr. Ching. The talk yesterday was that today Josh would be moved to a different floor. Probably back up to orthopedics where he was before surgery.
That's the story for now. Please keep us/Josh in your prayers. We've got a long road ahead of us. Pray for strength to come back into Josh's legs quickly and of course for quick healing. He is already ahead of the game with getting off the ventilator yesterday. AMEN! Also please keep Andrew and Joshuah in you prayers. There are still in Eugene with auntie and papa doing pretty good, but it's has to be hard on them...

I heard this song for the first time about 7mos ago. In my car on my way to work shortly after we found out I was pregnant. Bawled my eyes out! It has been my "theme" song if you will ever since then. It is so perfect for my life. It feels like chaos but it IS something heavenly!

It’s time for healing, time to move on,
it’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong;
it’s time to find my way to where I belong

Chorus:
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me, and all I can do
is surrender
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace
And it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, but I’m
giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone, time to begin again,
re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will or just climbing
aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything – I surrender

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out that I’ve
wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe …
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me Larger than life
Something heavenly, something heavenly

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Sanctus Real/what ever your doing

I don't know how people live without God in their lives. He is soooo AWESOME!
Dr. Ching. Josh's surgeon came to talk to us at about 945 last night. Surgery went very well. Josh lost 6L of blood, more then what they would have liked but they were expecting blood loss, the anesthesiologist stayed on top of it. Dr. Ching was able to do most everything that he wanted, for the most part. He put pins and rods down his spine from T4 I believe all the way down to hook to his pelvis. He was able to remove as much of the tumors from T9 and L1 that he could without doing any damage to his spinal cord. The tumor at L4 is on the inside of the spine and was unable to be seen. Therefore it didn't get touched. That was expected and that tumor at this time isn't causing any problems and shouldn't for awhile. Dr. Ching said that there is a chance that the tumors at T9 and L1 will grow back in that area but there is no way of telling. And he said that he bought him a lot of time by removing what he did. Lets see...what else... oh he put cages around the T9 and I think the L1 vertebra. Basically a fake vertebra...to support what is left of them. Those mean ole tumors were just eating up the bone.
The hardest thing for me through all of this wasn't the waiting...not the surgery nor him being in such pain but seeing him after he got to ICU last night. Breathing tube, IV lines in his neck, leads all over, his puffy face/body....I knew in my mind that it was all normal, but it just brought back the memories of seeing mom right after she went to be with Jesus. We were told all the way through that he would be on the ventilator for 1-3days and stay sedated. Well last night Josh started moving around and opened his eyes. :0 Freaked me out! The nurses said that was normal and that they want him to wake up so they can see how he responds as far as movement and communication. I kept asking if he would remember any of it and I was reassured he wouldn't. However at 600 this morning Josh tried to pull his breathing tube out. He has been awake ever since then and at about 900 all of his "numbers" which ever they are were good and they took the tube out! God is good! Josh was trying so hard to communicate to get that darn tube out and trying to do it himself, they strapped his arms to the bed. He is sleeping now. Still heavily medicated. The anaesthesia is wearing off. He feels like hes got a "big rock on his chest". His sternum area is really sore, and his belly is very bloated. He just wants to drink something, which he can in about an hour. He is concerned because it's hard for him to move. He said his "back feels weird" (really) and he saw an "big ape" walk by not long ago. :) gotta love that Fentanyl. The best pain med known to man! Oh and man is he grouchy. His hearing has increased and a tiny noise of us whispering or papers rustling makes him frustrated. He apologised for complaining. I told him he has every right to complain and be grumpy no worries. I am just so thankful that we are where we are today. It's been a long road. I know the journey is far from over but I just feel like we've jumped a big hurdle. He isn't out of the clear yet. BP and HR is up and down. To be expected from the loss of fluids and all the meds. But for now things look good.
God does answer prayers and no one can tell me he doesn't I've seen it! All praise and glory is given to him!
AMEN!

Talked with the nurse again at about half hour ago. Everything is still going as expected. Wonderfully. Josh is doing great, and he said the doc says another couple of hours. That must mean he is feeling confident in all areas and he isn't tired. YET! :) God is defiantly in control. His hands are in that OR answering the prayers for Josh's safety!

I just got a call from one of the OR nurses...

Twice now we have run into one of the anesthesiologist in the cafe. I think he sees us and wants to run the other direction... :)
Everything is going great. No problems. This last update he said that he has lost some blood but not a lot. To be expected. When the nurse said he was doing fine I asked him if he would tell me if he wasn't...he told me that if he had any concerns he would share them with me. That made me feel better. He said it should be several more hours. At least two. More updates to come. Thanks sooooo much for all the prayers. It makes me feel so good knowing that we are not the only ones here waiting!

Today is the day that the Lord has made...

We went into the surgery holding area around 630ish this morning. The anesthesiologist came in and went over all the details with all of us. Very invasive. Josh wasn't to excited about hearing about the lines they would put in, in his neck and extras in his arm. All for safety of course. Bleeding is to be expected and they wanted to make sure there are many areas open for transfusion. So...he did get a does of "I don't care" meds in his IV before they took him to the OR at about 740. And trust me he "didn't care". He was asking what kind of music was going to be played during surgery and called Barbara (our pastor's wife) a turkey on his way out the door. After the wheeled him out Josh's parents, sister, pastor David and Barbara and pastor Chuck went to the cafe for some well needed nutrition and as we were sitting there we saw one of the anesthesiologist getting some grub. A little bit disturbing for about 1/2 a second. He came and shared with us that surgery was just getting started and he and another anest. would be sharing the duties of taking care of Josh and that was why he was down eating instead of TAKING CARE OF MY HUSBAND!!! :) One of the nurses in the OR is acting as our eyes and ears and is staying in contact with us. He called at about 1000 and said surgery had begun at about 920 and everything was going great, he was/is stabilized and things were progressing just fine. I'll post more as I hear more. Next call from the OR should be around noon.

Oh and while we were sitting in the cafe having our breakfast we saw a man/nurse that looked just like Josh, from the back and the side he even chewed his food like Josh. :0 Out of body experience we joked. He was REALLY wanting to eat breakfast this AM but wasn't allowed.

So here we are...

It's Sunday evening, Josh is in Portland currently having an MRI done and from the sounds of it the muscles in his legs are really tired and are spasming like crazy (probably from the drive up) and they've giving him morphine, ativan and now some valium to try and help. I am currently in Eugene at dad and Marges with the boys. Will be headed up to Portland in the AM. Andrew and Joshuah get to spend the next couple of nights with Uncle Gregory and Auntie Jen.

It was so nice to be at home over the last few weeks. It's hard to be going through all of this hospital stuff again. Josh has had LOTS of aches and pains over the last week that seem to be getting worse and then better. My hope is that after surgery a lot of that will go away. Because of the weak areas in his spine he has had to be sooo very careful as to not injure his back. He has been wearing his back brace whenever he is not in bed and that causes discomfort in it self. Tomorrow Josh is having a procedure done where they will go in and with dye find the blood vessels that are feeding the tumors and glue them to help with bleeding during surgery. Then surgery starts Tuesday morning.

The boys are doing well considering all that is happening. I've done what I've always said I was NEVER going to do and have let Andrew sleep in our bed. When it happened once I knew it was allllll over and now its a regular occurrence. Andrew adapted to daddy being home very well I think. He is all over the idea of helping daddy with whatever it is he needs. Very cute! Joshuah is doing great. Growing like a weed. Imagine that. Weighs over 8lbs. Eating about 3oz every 3hrs. He does a 5hr at night. Total opposite of his brother. Mommy is VERY tired and can never seem to make it to bed before midnight nor catch that afternoon nap. I like my job better as a mother and a wife instead of a 24hr nurse. However I am very happy to be the one taking care of my husband and am very blessed to have had him at home with me these last few weeks. We are all anxious to get through this surgery, get home and get working on getting strength back in Josh's legs.

I will try and keep you updated better over the next few days, week. So keep checking in and email me. I'd love to hear from you!

lokua02@yahoo.com