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I've heard this song on KLOVE many times. I've always liked it, but it's never been one of my favorites. I was in the car yesterday on my way home from grocery shopping, feeling horribly yucky when this song came on the radio. For the first time it spoke to me....no God spoke to me through this song. "I will carry you through THIS storm!" and therefore I will praise HIM through THIS storm!


Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Chorus:
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of Heaven and Earth

Holy cow! Another week. Where did it go? Would somebody PLEASE slow down time? Okay where do I start? Well currently Josh and I are at the hospital her in K. Falls. Josh is sleeping while receiving a blood infusion. Low blood count again. The doctor blames it on the cancer. We finally got an MRI done of Josh's knee and have yet to hear anything. No news must be good news? The CT that he had done last week of the head for his grumpy eye came back and we have heard back on it..........the tumor that received the first batch of radiation that was above his left eye is back or well growing again and being aggressive. At one point I heard Josh say that it was going through the bone but now I just asked him and he says "I don't know" so I guess I'll be calling the doctor this week. We, well the oncologist...Dr. Kohler in Medford thinks that Josh's knee pain that he was having (not so much anymore) is from the tumor that is in his abdomen. It seems as though it is connected with the tumor at L4 that Dr. Ching was unable to remove back in January. The two together are putting more pressure on the sciatic and other nerves that in turn caused the knee pain. But I'll getting details on that also. Josh did start the Sutent (chemo) last week. So far he isn't experiencing any side effects. Praise Jesus! I think we've finally found an antibiotic that is going to kick the persistent bladder infection. Hooray! His temp has finally dropped below 100. He is back on steroids to help with any inflammation that could be causing the knee pain. I think it's good for him anyway. It makes him feel a little bit more normal...or at least act like it. However over the last 4-5 nights he has had a bad cough and hasn't gotten much sleep so he has been sleeping most of the days. Normal? I guess it could be. :)

I have been feeling much better. Sinus/cold issues currently but better then the back issues. I am not doing much lifting in hopes to save the strength in back I still have. I have come to the realization that Joshuah is getting to heavy for me to carry him in his car seat. He is almost 15lbs, and trying to carry him one handed, and dragging Andrew (Batman these days) with the other hand and then the bag I call a purse it's no wonder my back hurts. My 3 year old Batman has enjoy jumping off of EVERYTHING. I've learned that when he says "hey mom watch this" I don't want to watch. I am ready for a house that doesn't have stairs. He jumps five, six steps up...I thought about putting the baby gates back up but yeah well he'd just JUMP OVER THEM! He he...I love my boys!

BEING CARRIED!

It was just brought to my attention that I haven't blogged since last Wednesday! So sorry! It's amazing how fast time goes when your having fun....or not. My head ache finally went away. I had a MRA on Friday, went back to the doc yesterday and the test came back normal. Hooray! However I am having lots of sciatic pain. The doctor gave me a muscle relaxer that just helped me sleep last night and really didn't help with the pain. I was able to go back and get some more acupuncture today. RELIEF! Works sooo well. I am so relaxed and not having as much pain. Oh the wonderful world of muscles.
Josh spoke with his oncologist on Monday, she really wants him to start on a chemo. Josh said that if he WAS going to do it that Sutent would be the drug of choice. It arrived in the mail yesterday. The Sutent is a once a day oral pill. Low side effects and is suppose to be pretty effective on vascular tumors. Josh hasn't started it yet. He wants to talk with Dr. Said (herbalist) in Medford first. I told Josh that at least with the Sutent if he starts it and he doesn't like it at least it's something he can stop taking. Josh had a head CT done yesterday. His left eye is puffy and droopy. Pain when with movement and he has been having some headaches. His left knee is also really bothering him but we are still waiting to get orders to have that scanned. We finally got some caregivers coming in. They come in for a few hours in the mornings and a few hours in the evenings. It's been a HUGE help! I am able to focus on my kids and my husband more then my laundry and my dishes. They help out with Josh, the kids and whatever! It's great.
Josh is currently sleeping, Joshuah is laying on the couch next to me telling me stories, trying to push himself off the couch and Andrew is suppose to be upstairs taking a nappie. However, I can here the pitter patter of his size 6 feeteez up and down the hall. I am trying to decide if I want to take advantage of the quiet time and watch a movie and take a rest myself with the chance that as soon as I get settled Josh will awake and need something or shall I attend to the filing and the putting away of the laundry????? Decisions decisions.....

Well I went to the doctor today. I have to stay down for the next 48hrs. If my head ache isn't going away by my next apt on Tuesday then we'll talk about the patch to repair the puncture site. It's a crazy thing. God's way of saying slow down and let go of being in control. I have an MRA scheduled for Friday. It will check the vessels better then an MRI. Josh is laying in his bed, I am laying next to him on the couch. Josh's mom and dad and are here helping with the house, and currently there is a care taker here who just started today. It's amazing how things change from day to day. I honestly didn't think that Josh and I both would be down. The boys are having another sleep over at auntie Sharla's. Joshuah is just starting to cut his first tooth. Is still a very happy boy. :) Andrew is crazy as ever doesn't know the difference between an inside and an outside voice. Silly boy. Josh once again is having tummy problems. Working on bowl care today. Crazy world we live in!

Just a quick note. I am STILL fighting this horrible migraine. I was back in ER last night because my limbs and mouth went numb. The doc said that it was probably an anxiety attack...WHAT? Well I got anxious when my mouth started swelling....but the cause was the anxiety??? yes I am confused. All the symptoms went away. Thought maybe I was having a reaction to the Darvocet but yet he told me to keep taking it along with Hydromorphone for the pain. CRAZY I tell ya! So any who still have pain and still on drugs. I had some more acupuncture done today and it help a lot. The pain isn't sooooo excruciating when I stand up now. I have a doctors apt tomorrow. Not sure what for but maybe they can help me figure out what is going on. During one of my trips to the ER they said that the head ache was from spinal fluid leaking at the puncture site and if it didn't stop then they would have to go in and block it. WELL. If you remember, back in November the reason my doctors didn't want to do a spinal for my c-section was because of the risk of bleeding and having to do the block. huh. I obviously wasn't thinking about that when there was a chance that there was bleeding on the brain now was I. Please keep us in your prayers. It seems as though times are getting better and then something like this knocks us down! Way down!

No change with Josh much lately. He has been sleeping better and I think overall feeling better since we switched him to a raw vegan diet. It is crazy this vegan thing but I kinda like it. A LOT of preparation. There is ALWAYS something going on in the kitchen. Josh has been putting more and more weight on his legs. Doing more squat pivot instead of using the transfer board. The radiation he just got done with hasn't affected him like the last time. No real visible change yet in the tumors on his head.
On Friday I went to the ER again! My right hands went numb, went away then my vision in my right eye got blurry, that went away. Then I wasn't able to talk very well. Couldn't get my words out. So to he hospital. Surly that doc thought it was a stroke but the head CT, chest x-ray, neck CT and spinal tap all came back normal! Once again no bleeding on the brain. As far as we can tell anyway. So I was either to drudged to remember or I wasn't told, but I guess after you have a spinal tap you are suppose to be down for like 12 hours. Well I wasn't. Got home from the hospital 5:30 yesterday morning. Woke at about 9 with a worse head ache. Stayed down most of the day then was able to get up and move about and have some dinner. HA came back and my lower back has been really sore so I took some pain pills and went to bed. Thankfully Jennifer was here, I was able to get some rest, but when I got up this am I still had a bad HA the worst I've ever had. SOOOO back to the ER. I love IV pain meds. Instant gratification! The doc said I have a HA from the spinal tap. Gave me the meds and some fluids and sent me home to bed for a few days. Crazy I tell ya.
My dad and Marge, the girls, Jenn and Gregory and cousin Tamara and her hubby Andrew all came down for Easter. Uncle Erick and Aunt Sharla along with Josh' parents are all here. We celebrated Andrew's birthday last night. He finally got his pink superman cake. Actually it was pink cake with white frosting and big red A. It was cute. he had a great time.
Okay so my pain meds are finally starting to work so it's off to dream land I go. I'll try to get something more posted again soon.

Happy Birthday Alisha!

What a day! Geesh, what a WEEK! First off sorry once again for the delay in info. Once again we were at a hospital that didn't allow me to connect to the Internet. Only access I had was the Safeway parking lot. However I could have gone in, but I was always in a rush to get back to Josh when I WAS at Safeway. So. I've truly felt like this week was one of my "less" stress weeks. That was until I got a migraine on our way over to Medford on Monday. Lasted till Tuesday then hit me ER HARD on Wednesday. Spent the afternoon and evening in the ER. It was different then my usual migraines and it had me very worried. Blood work and CT came back normal. Praise Jesus no bleeding on/in the brain! I received some IV fluids and a dose of Compazine and Benadryl together. Help with the pain as SOON as it entered the blood stream. Well it just made me not care about the pain that is. However. I don't know if it was the two of the meds together or just the Benadryl but I was oh so very sick that night and the next morning. Just wanted to crawl out of my skin. It was very weird and very uncomfortable! I've had Compazine before and didn't react that way. I usually like the way I feel with a dose of pain relievers IV. Helps me SLEEP! Anyways, my point. Okay well I don't remember...
Radiation went well for the most part. The first treatment on Monday took a very long time. After that it was in and out within the hour. On Thursday Josh's left arm/shoulder started hurting him really bad! Probably from all of the pressure reliefs he had to do while waiting with me in the ER. :( He didn't stay all evening but he was with me longer then he should have been. So his shoulder was pretty sore. It took a lot of tricky movements to get him from his bed to wheelchair to gurney to table...and then back. Today, well yesterday went a lot smoother. His shoulder is/was still really sore but the techs moved him very well. On Wednesday we met with Dr. Kohler the oncologist in Medford. Very nice lady. She recommended some of the same chemo that the docs did in Portland. Still going to check on a particular one called Sutent. We are still trying to get a hold of the docs in Boston to see if we can get that worked out. On Thursday Josh did an interview with a Grants Pass radio station. Tear. It went really well and we are hoping that it will bring in some funds to help with the Boston trip shall it come to that. Today Josh had a full body CT to check in on our little friends that have worn out their welcome. They are just being so very rude and won't LEAVE! Gosh darn it! My prayer is that this scan will show that some of these tumors have got the picture and are starting to disappear!
I am sure there is something I am forgetting to tell you. When I remember I'll post it. :)
Because of some unforeseen circumstances today my plans to have dinner with some of my relatives (including my papa and grammy who have yet to meet baby Joshuah) did not happen this evening. Josh felt really bad and apologized, thinking it was his fault... it wasn't but, I thought about it for awhile and told him... that even though today didn't go like I had wanted it to and there are many stressful days and days that we could just live without, I am thankful for what I do have and would rather have 100 crazy days that don't go as planned with him then to have just 1 good day. And I really do feel that way. It's a crazy life we live but it's our life and God has BIG plans!


Congrats Tom and Julie on the little blessing! I can't wait to meet him!!!!